I had not intended to write about this part of my life on my cBlog. But recent events so brilliantly illustrate how IBI works when you least expect it, that I am compelled to share the saga with you.

Push-Me-Pull-You

That pretty much of sums up Bipolar Disorder. So do “Sun in Leo, Moon in Aquarius,” Leo/Virgo life partnerships ~ paradoxes ad infinitum. Although I strive to not give much credence to labels, the Bipolar thing has unequivocally colored my life and twice, has nearly ended it. My last major crash (eighteen months ago) depleted me so deeply that I despaired of regaining my footing, much less my life, ever again.

To further complicate matters, I am dubbed “medication resistant” and, consequently, regarded as “difficult” by most of the medical community. Evidently, “they” find me unreasonable, because I refuse to take drugs that make me sick and stupid. Since that’s all they have to offer, they sent me home to either prosper or perish, out of sight and out of mind. Thus, I’ve muddled along as best I could, clinging by fingernails, faith, friends and foolishness, even, until IBI magic intervened.

No Degrees of Separation

During the 4+ years that my hubby, Gale, and I have nurtured IBI Colorado, he has steadfastly declined any official involvement with grad projects ~ even though he’s had many invitations and the potential for many income streams. For one thing, I can’t imagine where he’d find the energy or time; for another, it would seem to smack of preferential treatment to accept one invitation and reject another. Our personal mandate is to be here for the whole community.

Even so, when two of our grads declared their intent to bring the Life Vessel to Denver and asked Gale to help them, he deemed it to be a project of major import to our IBI community, in particular, and the State of Colorado, as a whole. With BJ’s blessing, he joined the Life Vessel Denver team. Which brings me full circle to my bipolar dilemma.

One of the critical elements of any Life Vessel Center is the doctor on staff. Not only must he or she be a real, credentialed physician, he or she must also understand and support the concept of alternative therapies. In other words, he or she must be who I have been seeking for two decades. So naturally, I listened intently as one of the “Life Vessel” grads described her favorite candidate for staff doctor.

Named for Angels

Dr. Raphael d’Angelo truly honors his name. I mean, he accepted me as a patient ~ uninsured, Bipolar, medication-resistant me ~ intermittently suicidal me. Then, with serene certainty he explained how he would help me achieve a level of physical health and mental stability I did not dare imagine. Not with mind-numbing, gut-churning anti-psychotic drugs, nor shock-inducing doses of insulin, nor ice pick lobotomies. . .  No. Dr. D. planned to perform this (in my world) miracle with a simple pee test and some amino acids.

And he did.

When we reviewed my test results, Dr. D. absolutely blew my mind. He pointed to a pair of neurotransmitters that were wildly out of whack and described exactly how the imbalance made me feel. For the first time in my 50-odd-years, another human being actually articulated the physical manifestations of my bipolar experience as I never could. Further, he really understood the toll those things exacted. Then he explained how a particular amino acid re-balances those particular neurotransmitters and moved on to the next. Finally, after prescribing a formidable handful of equine-size supplements and reminding me that it would take 2 to 3 months before we discussed eliminating the pharmaceuticals I’m taking, he said that when the Life Vessel arrives in Denver, I should do a course of sessions.  

The Update

So, not quite four weeks into re-creating Kitty, I am sleeping better than I have in my entire life. No exaggeration. In fact, sleep is so delicious at present, I suspect I could over-do it, but I won’t. Because actual optimism has begun creeping into my days. (Optimism being different from faith in that optimism includes me.) Spring is dawning in my woods, as well as in my soul. Three months ago, I never would have thunk it.

But IBI functions in mysterious ways. Even in my bleakest days, my IBI contacts led me to an angel.

© Kitty Roxanna Connell 2007

I know a woman who actually retracts her apologies. Seriously. It's not like she gives them all that freely, either. Why should she? As far as she is concerned, she is never wrong.

Evidently, at some point, she became "enlightened" and learned that one creates one's own reality. (With which I agree, by the way.) It's her perfidious application of that premise that boggles my mind. It seems that she creates her own reality up to and including everything great and wondrous that occurs in her little segment of the Unified Field. Should something go amiss however, it's an obvious co-creation, in which the other co-creator's mis-thinking overpowers my friend's best intentions. (Friend, of course, being a relative term, the reference point of which is her need at the moment.)

Why, you might ask, should I suffer such a relationship?

Normally, I would not ~ solitary soul that I am. But this particular woman is amazing. Brilliant. Visionary. Funny. Charming. Capable of great deeds of generosity. It's just that all the aforementioned are mercurial, and not coincidentally, the most potent form of intermittent reinforcement. One always hopes one catches her on a "brilliant" day, you see.

Oh, I can usually sense her brewing tempests and sometimes even manage to avoid them. Mostly, I can love her, as long as my expectations do not exceed her capabilities. I will be there for her when she realizes that her stubbornness, her miserly compassion, and her fear of her own humanness create the exact obstacles she hopes to avoid by using her approval as a weapon.  

From Mz. Kitty's Purr-View, I note many consequences of her attitudes that remain invisible to her. She does not see the relationship between her sporadic appreciation of people and their metaphysical inability to live up to her expectations. Nor does she imagine how her habit of withholding her regard for someone translates into obstinate investors or contracts that never fly.

As for the retracted apologies. . . My goodness. If much time and energy was spent planning that great oration, it might explain why her most recent project seems to be circling the bowl.

Please understand that the above are not meant to imply direct connections between those specific actions and events. They are meant as illustrations of how we can unconsciously misdirect energy ~ ours, as well as the vast intelligence that animates all life.

Any time we get hung up on being right ~ being more powerful, brighter, stronger, faster. . . able to leap taller buildings and all of that hooey, our decisions are either founded upon ego or fear. And neither serves anyone well.

Life should be clean and simple. All we need do is treat everyone with the kindness, integrity, and the respect that we wish for ourselves.

© Kitty Roxanna Connell 2007 

Like so many other things, the theory sounds better than the actual experience attests ~ being able to know whether someone is lying, that is. Up until recently, I believed this knack was simply another of my psychological eccentricities, some kind of perverse intuition that I could not ignore. But Professor Maureen O’Sullivan (http://www.abc7dc.com/news/stories/1004/180524.html), who teaches at the University of San Francisco, found that there are certain people who nearly always recognize a falsehood when it’s told. Just like I do.

Thus far, Professor O’Sullivan has identified 31 "Truth Wizards" from across the country. These are people of completely disparate backgrounds who can spot a lie with amazing accuracy ~ accuracy akin to the fearsome lie detector test. O’Sullivan believes that the Truth Wizards excel at observing the subtle differences in body language between those who are telling the truth and those who are not. No doubt her theories are valid, but I think the Truth Wizards are Bleepy~ier than that.

For those of you who have not seen the movie, "What the Bleep Do We Know?"  (http://www.whatthebleep.com/), here’s a thumbnail explanation of Quantum Theory: Essentially, everything in our known universe is comprised of Consciousness. But through the miracle of frequency, Consciousness individuates to masquerade as aardvarks and zucchinis, particles and planets.  In other words, absolutely everything vibrates to its own proprietary frequency ~ including truth and duplicity.

While I applaud Professor O’Sullivan’s study, I must state that there’s more to my experience of lie detecting than noticing downcast eyes, or folded arms, or the usual telltale signs of lies that most mothers recognize. I experience deception as psychic cacophony ~ a literal disturbance in The Force.

It gets complicated, though, because sometimes it’s hard to discern whether the lie is self-delusion or an out-and-out fib. Nevertheless, the lie exists as a distortion in Life’s continuum, one that will surely return as a stupendous inconvenience.

There are times when brutal honesty serves no positive purpose. For example, there’s no moral imperative to tell folks that their new baby is homely, or to confide to your sister that her new slinky knit outfit makes her resemble an out-bound bus. . . or to belabor those times when "it" wasn’t all that good for you. No. That is something else masquerading as honesty.

We have become a culture of fibbers, though, for lies roll too easily off our collective tongues. We buy the lies, too ~ political and personal ~ because they allow us to ignore the discomforts of reality. It’s easier to embellish the truth than to frankly asses our not-quite-perfect circumstances. And it’s easier to turn a blind eye to cultural mendacity than it is to accept the immense challenge of confronting it.

Truth is, Gentle Reader, we must  confront our lies. Ancient saints, shamans and mystics understood the vibrational ramifications of rampant deceit. That’s why most spiritual traditions condemn bearing false witness. You see, frequencies entrain. Which means that if you struck four tuning forks of different pitches, they would all eventually entrain to match the lowest pitch. Never the highest pitch, mind you ~ the lowest pitch becomes the dominant frequency.

So it is with our aspirations. In my humble opinion, our dreams are like assignments from God ~ products or ideas that serve the greater good, as only each individual dreamer can. When we launch our dreams, they are perfect and of the highest frequency. But time and disappointment can tempt us to stretch the truth a little here and a little there, mostly to encourage ourselves or stave off the doubts of our family, team or associates. Every time we lie, however, we decelerate the frequency of our entire project, until the lies become the dominant frequency, and we have to amp it all back up again in order to make manifestation possible.

The frequency of truth is strong and unassuming. It requires no spin and tolerates no rhetoric. Truth endures and calls to account all pretenders. Thus, in business, in politics and in our personal lives, truth is the only sensible choice for those who consciously aspire to make their dreams become reality.

The world looks very different from a Mystic's point of view. Relationships of every kind ripple with varying layers of energy ~ of fear, faith, motivation and belief ~ all of which color and contribute to the whole experience. 

Entrepreneurship is even more complex, as our notions about money, integrity, and success, etc. are constantly challenged during the many phases of growing a business.

For reasons known only to my Creator, I often perceive the subtle emotional currents that flow among the members of our IBI Colorado Community. Typically, these are just curious glimpses and flitting observations that hold little value on their own, but often fit into discernable patterns over time. 

The goal of this blog is to explore the subtle dimensions of  business and to understand how they either enhance or hamper our success.

Happy Entrepreneuring!

Kitty

 © Kitty Roxanna Connell 2007